A letter to 18 year old self (fictional)

Dear Me,

I shall skip the formalities.

I despised you from the moment you were born, your ignorance and idiocy. Your blatant immaturity in your hideous actions have left me in this prison of my obese body that I live in today. I have nothing to call myself, no achievement and worth all because of you.

I detest your calculating sin- riddled mind. It is you I  blame for all that is wrong with me and yet I must bare the burden of being stuck within you. My body, my soul, my mind is the one that was you once 20 years ago. It makes me sick and ashamed to even think of such a thought.

You are a horrific being. A horrible, intolerable in disguise of a man. You were disgusting to the point that I want to vomit just thinking of you. You blamed your superiors for your crude actions and failed to actually comprehend that you were doing the deeds in which you solely knew was deceitful to all mankind. I paid for your actions with my time. That unfair punishment with the time I could have spent doing something frankly more worthwhile but no you didn’t think of me at the time did you, you ungrateful specimen of life.

You disappointed me, our mother and father, our sister and our lost brother. Our country and the sovereignty of humanity. The brother you made me lose. He was ill, sick involuntarily. He is now a lost soul who deserved better than a brother of which was you. I hope there is a life beyond this world because if he is he deserves nothing more of the happiness that you denied him.

Corrupted by politics: you said as you were only a teenager. Nonsense I say, you were not as daft as you claimed. You go to a foreign land, you abused your power whilst you were there to maintain peace and happiness of those who have suffered brutality. Instead you do the opposite, yes you did. You did the unspeakable of which I can not comprehend any being could ever do. I shall not disclose what you did, I will give you that dignity despite your grotesque nature.

I’m glad you were caught, the power of abusing others would have gone to your head otherwise. Your business plans, your ideas were all based on the inevitability of conflict somewhere in this flawed world. A world where people kill those they perceive as different, and you, dressed as a humanitarian encouraged it.

I wish it was you who served the penalty and not me.

Regards,

Your 38 year old self.

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